Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways.
People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw—often it’s a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita’s “Empower → Resilient → Authentic” model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics).
We cover:
- People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)
- People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking
- ADHD & RSD: why “neutral” feedback stings and how regulation shifts it
- Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD)
- Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits
- Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the “victim narcissist” pattern)
- Anita’s staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic)
- Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation
- Eric’s EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation
Try this:
Notice your next automatic “yes.” Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after.
Resources mentioned:
- Anita Sandoval — www.anitasandoval.com (course: Empower Her Pathways)
- Broken Chains (English/Spanish)
- Dr. Ramani’s work on narcissism (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)
- Modalities: EMDR, IFS/Parts, Polyvagal-informed approaches
Coaching & community:
- Evening Coaching Group — interest survey
We’re exploring a fall evening section (proposed Wed, Sept 18 • 5pm PT / 8pm ET) led by ADHD reWired Coach & LCSW Kristin Marts, at a budget-friendly rate (starting at $999) if we move forward. Deadline to weigh in: Aug 15. Take the short survey at www.coachingrewired.com.
Complete the survey to enter to win 6 months free in our Alumni community ($240 value) or 1 year free of Adult Study Hall ($240 value). - Adult Study Hall (ASH) — virtual co-working & body doubling. Free 1-week trial, then $19.99/mo or $150/yr at www.adultstudyhall.com
Connect with Anita: anitasandoval.com | Podcast: Empowering Women in Conversations
