34: Married with Separate Bedrooms

Married with Separate Bedrooms | ADHD reWired

An interview with Tom Nardone from ADHDpeople.net

Frank and honest with himself and others, writer Tom Nardone helps to inspire, communicate with, and provide relatable experiences to readers of his two blogs. With many unique perspectives and stories to tell, Tom’s goal in running his blogs, at TomNardone.net and ADHDpeople.net, is simply to entertain; the rest is all a bonus. Tom discusses the story behind starting his blogs, an interesting sleeping situation with his wife, progress on his upcoming book, and many other topics via his straight-forward, true-to-oneself nature.

About Tom Nardone

  • Initially, Tom had no aspirations for writing; he wanted to be a web designer and programmer.

  • To test his web design skills, he constructed a blog and began writing.

  • After an article he wrote, about the lack of need to wash pants, became relatively popular, he decided to devote more time to writing.

  • ADHD had arisen simply as a general topic in his blogging, though articles about it performed very well.

  • Tom created ADHDpeople.net to accommodate ADHD more specifically. It has since surpassed the user-base of his original site.

  • He’s now been blogging for a couple years.

  • With his blogs, Tom’s main focus is to entertain – helping people is an added bonus.

Tom and ADHD

  • Tom wants people to accept and be happy with who they are first before trying to work on changing.

  • Accepting that he won’t be very neat and tidy, he decided there were more important subjects for him to spend his time on.

  • His largest issue is with irritability – some days following his talking-and-listening intensive work, he won’t want to talk or listen to anyone afterwards for a while.

  • Doesn’t care about the science and research side of ADHD, at least on a personal level.

  • Tom: “I wake up in the morning and I can’t tell you what I did with my car keys. That’s about as scientific as I get on my site.”

  • He focuses his ADHD writing on people and what affects them.

Tom’s Philosophy

  • “The kids that I went to elementary school and middle school [with], and even some in high school – I kind of describe all of them as the architects of Tom Nardone.”

  • “I never really got a break until I stopped caring.”

  • Caring about what others thought of him only made him feel insecure and unaccepted.

  • (Listened to The Last in Line by Ronnie James Dio a lot)

  • “If you’ve been trying to do something for forty years and you haven’t done it yet, give up. Do something else – there’s something you can do, it’s just not that.”

  • Eric: Fail forward – use your failures to figure out how to move forward, either changing what you’re doing or changing how you do it.

Sleeping Arrangement

  • His wife and he sleep in separate bedrooms.

  • Originally it was his wife’s idea: one day she cleaned out all his belongings from their bedroom and told him he would have to live in his own separate room.

  • Tom was initially annoyed and frustrated but, within minutes of thinking about it, decided that it was ultimately a great change for him as well.

  • Using his room as a place to reduce his stress following a rough day at work lets him better engage with his family so that the negativity from one doesn’t affect the other.

  • This situation has lasted now for eight or nine years.

  • Other advantages include: television channel freedom and sleep independence.

  • They still always spend time together each morning.

  • Eric: also sleeps in separate rooms from his wife

    • They have a three-year-old child that “may be the worst sleeper in the neighborhood”.

    • They experimented with sleeping in different rooms and his wife really enjoyed it; Eric better enjoyed being around his wife when they were both well-rested.

    • It can actually be easier to decide to go to bed late when waking up your spouse isn’t a concern.

Tom’s Book

  • Tom wrote the first draft over a period of six days.

  • Publishing the book as turned into a year-long endeavor.

  • Tom was able to spend more time, via late nights, writing his book due to his sleeping arrangement; it might not have happened if not for the separate bedroom arrangement

  • The book is finished being written and is in its final stages of editing.

  • He’s still undecided on its title.

Tom Tables

  • Tom has a website with an online flashcard-like helper for kids to more easily learn mathematics.

  • Tom used to lose or disorganize his flash cards when he was in school, so he wanted to create a digital version to help kids now.

  • Tomtables.com

Products and Services Mentioned

Random Question Round

  • If you were in a band, what would its name be?

  • What would be the best concert ever?

  • Can you name all four Ninja Turtles?

  • What is 8*3?

  • Were you ever suspended from school?

  • What is your favorite thing to cook?

  • If you could invent something, what would it be?

Eric’s Parting Message

“Think of yourself as if you are the person you want to be. Tell yourself that “I am a person that plans” as opposed to thinking that you “will” or “want to” do something. Even if you are not planning, exercising, arriving home on time, or going to bed on time, for example, if you begin to think of yourself as a person who actually accomplishes those tasks, you begin to believe it. Much of our success can be attributed to what we believe is possible. You’ll never believe what you can do until you actually do it.”

Find and Contact Tom Nardone

 Other Information

  • 2014 CHADD international conference on ADHD is coming to the Chicago area November 13 – 15th

    • Come see me there!

      • My Session: “Productivity 2.0.Getting Things Done with ADHD. Strategies, Apps & other tools…”

      • 11/15 at 10:30 AM

    • http://www.chadd.org/

  • Northern Illinois chapter of CHADD

    • Third Monday of every month at 6:45 PM

    • Grayslake, Illinois

(CHADD does not endorse this podcast)

 

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